For anyone not indoctrinated with MattyCollector.com, it’s a collector’s site for Mattel toys run by their fictitious mascot, Matty Mattel. That’s him up above.
Once a month, or twice on very special months, new products go up for order on MattyCollector.com. Which would be fine, except that MattyCollector.com simply does not have the bandwidth or customer service capabilities to take care of its customers. So promptly at 11:58AM before new items go up for sale at noon, potential buyers face what is affectionately refered to as “The White Screen of Death”, wherein you are placed in a fictitious “queue” with Matty’s grinning visage staring at you and taunting you for anywhere from 10 minutes to hours. This is due to the high traffic levels that the site can’t maintain. The “queue” doesn’t actually work properly, so sometimes it’ll eventually get through to the main site and sometimes you’ll sit in the queue permanently until long, long after everything is sold out.
It’s difficult to describe the scale of the problems with MattyCollector.com, so instead I’ll direct interested readers to check out the 1600+ post “Matty Order Hell Bitching Thread” over on TheFwoosh.
But wait–there’s more! Rather than upgrading their servers in order to cope with their terminal problems, or increasing production in order to fill demand, Matty has set up a subscription racket on the side! For two weeks each year, from the end of July until the beginning of August, you can sign up and commit to a non-breakable $500+ subscription for the following year, in which you become legally obligated to purchase hundreds of dollars of unknown product sight-unseen. The product you’re committed to could be anything–ANYTHING–but Matty advises all collectors sign up for this “great” subscription so that they won’t have to put up with the website’s issues and will instead by automatically sent hundreds of dollars worth of mystery products! As sad and ridiculous as that sounds, I seriously considered signing up for this sham of a “service” because I’ve been so frustrated with Matty this year.
After sitting through 37 minutes of the constantly-refreshing but-going-absolutely-nowhere White Screen of Death, someone on Toymania posted a hack to the back door to MattyCollector for today’s sale. My Orko order is placed. I dunno if they’ll honor it, and frankly I don’t care, as I’m done hanging out on that godforsaken cesspit of a site.
I will not be threatened into getting a subscription for items that I haven’t seen and may or may not want.
I will live without a toy if it means I don’t have to sit for 30 minutes plus to place an order online, and keep my heart rate in check while doing so.
I will see you in Hell, Matty, because I am through with you.